Dating for Perks

We've all heard of dating for dinner. Or maybe that's just me. But I think I'm not alone when I say I consider the possibility of a free meal when a guy asks me out.
What happens when there is more on the table than a free meal?
A friend of mine is dating a man that she's just not that into. He lives in Miami, she does not...she wants to keep dating him because helloooooo he lives in Miami!
Is it wrong to date someone even if you don't have a spark?
Is it wrong to date someone just to get a trip to Miami?
I think it's okay to date a man that you don't have a spark with.
But when are you dating someone you're not that into and when are you using them and wasting their time?
If my friend is reading this, I think you should date the guy. Let him invite you to Miami. Get your OWN hotel room and label it a fun adventure. But if he uses the L word, it's time to cut him off before feelings get hurt.

The Problem With Trey Songz

If you haven't met Trey Songz. Say Hello.
That is his latest video, I Invented Sex.
I don't watch music videos but my friends said I had to watch this one. Sigh...
This video and the existence of Trey Songz raises several problems for me. I'm notorious for having crushes and now...he is on the list. But as a 20-something, I'm way too old to be crushing on a grown man! Or is it okay to have unrealistic crushes?
My problem with Trey is that he is not reality. The chances of me meeting a man as adorable as him are slim to none. Now for those of you who don't find him attractive...I respect your opinion. You are the same people who looked at me crazy when I was obsessed with Nelly, yes...Nelly, in the 10th grade. And in hindsight you were only looking out for me because who could love a man with a band aid on his face? Only me!
But this Trey...he is no Nelly. And now I have a crush. I'm 24 years old with a crush on a grown man. Hmph! Not FAIR! Someone make him go away...

20 something & Married

I'm in my early 20s and I have very few friends who are married. So when I meet someone who has made "the plunge" before they are 30, I'm very eager to hear about their experiences in marital bliss.
Hopefully you will enjoy this inside look as much as I did from our anonymous contributor.

The Honeymoon Is Over

When you walk down the aisle it is like all your dreams are coming true- everything you prayed for is becoming real right in front of you. So life is grand and there is nothing that can stop your happiness. BLISS! Yes, love is great and marriage is beautiful but why dont the fairy tales talk about the trying times that will inevitably come? why dont they teach us how to listen well? forgive completely? and sacrifice endlessly?
I am definitely not putting marriage down because I love my husband and moreover I love my marriage. I am simply stating that you need more than LOVE because the honeymoon does end. I am a 20 something newly wed and I am sure as time goes on I will learn more but, right now, I can say that love is the emotion that drives me to be a good wife but it can not stand on its own... I have to use patience, active listening, selective verbal communication, refraining from controlling tendencies, displaying affection consistently and in keeping the spark, steering clear of hilding grudges, investing in a firm relationship with God in order to have a back drop the measure the marriage and union against. Each day teaches me new attributes that I have to use in my marriage that are beyond love... We spend a lot of time in fairyland and it starts at an early age- and even in adult hood we play out our ideas of what the fairy tale should be and we are disappointed when things go off script! When you get real in your marriage you are forced to say to yourself "that fairytale shit is crap!". When you make your vows it is not "I will love you no matter how buff you get, I will be here no matter how healthy you remain"- the vows represent commitment through all times, particularly the shadow side.

SOOOO when the honeymoon is over- the tests comes and you have no choice but to get real. The tests come in all forms- for example, I have a friend who is a nutritionist but her husband is very unhealthy and having a difficult time changing his eating/exercise habits to benefit his overall heath- this is a serious test because the very thing she represents isn’t being practiced in her home by the person she loves most. Another example, my husband is an artist and his form of art (theatre) requires him to spend a lot of time away from home- well that doesn’t work as much for me because I don’t like to be alone and I especially don’t like cooking for one... as a wife I have to not only support his passions but also use clear communication to explain to him my dilemma. (Outcome: he decided to take a break from the theatre for a while to focus on his marriage as you only transition from the la la land/honeymoon stage once). Getting real requires self searching and opening up like you never have before- you get real by accepting your own insecurities and letting your mate in on that. EXAMPLE: "I don’t like to be placed second to anything because when I asked my dad to go to rehab he told me no- I felt like I came second to his drug addiction- I have a problem not being the priority in your life". Opening up sounds easy but it is hard as hell because we have spent most of our lives covering up our insecurities, issues, dark secrets or feeling really bad about them. You gotta put them on the table for dinner... they are hard to look at and even harder to swallow.


The transition from La La Land to reality challenges you to really love your mate and to really give to your relationship. I believe that God created marriage to teach us hard lessons and also to give us a joy like nothing else. Prepare your minds and hearts for this here reality if marriage is in your future!!! :) From one sista to anotha...

Also, lots of interest in guest blogging these days. Just leave a comment if you would like to do a post of your own with your email address and I will contact you. I welcome posts on ANY topic.

Hate

I understand that there are people with hate in their hearts all over the world.
Today, someone asked me if my openly Gay friend had AIDS yet.
I've never been so disgusted in my life.
My question is...why?
What makes people so full of hate?
AND why do they think it's okay to share their rude views with others?